That was so exactly the best thing I wanted but didn’t know I wanted to read right now. Thank you for your truth. Thank you for your bravery to write things people don’t want to talk about enough. I’m always saying too much to other people and it’s amazing to see that I must just keep meeting people who are too afraid to use too many words. Lots of love to you and your family. They are so blessed to have you in their lives.
This is the most accurate description of being a mother I've maybe ever read. Your honest words are always refreshing. This Mother's Day I had someone ask me if having kids was worth the effort. "Yes", I told them, "But not for everyone, and it will come very close to breaking you."
Beautiful and poignant, as always. I can’t even decide which part I like best, but your bullet about not being a mom unless you want to is right up there. Thank you.
This is all so spot on. I made it thru the part where I had to divorce a partner who was a grown-ass man I had to parent... and then found a partner who is absolutely my equal and teammate, and it is wonderful. Now I'm working on the part where I accept that I cannot always play dollhouse, and that it's actually good for my daughter to see me prioritize my own passions. It's a work in progress but it's going well!
MASSIVE truth about teenagers - esp as a single mom it's hard to tell if the jerky behavior is because they feel safe with me vs their dad, or if it's because of the divorce or ???
THANK YOU for ALL of this! Your essay should be required reading for women everywhere, whether they are mothers or not. My only child, my daughter, is now 40 and I still have pangs of guilt from mistakes I’ve made in the past. The memories of mistakes come out of nowhere. It’s rare that I think of all of the good I did, as a single mom at 19. Society has definitely shaped the views of myself as a woman and mother. Your insights and will help so many. ❤️
One thing to note, though: as someone who has had a lot of pelvic floor issues before and after childbirth...the white supremacist patriarchy has completely normalized the idea that leaky pelvic floors are normal after having children and no no no they are not and you do not have to live with the anxiety of always knowing where the bathroom is. Pelvic floor physical therapy can really help.
Also, to anyone reading, please don't just randomly start clinching your pelvic floor. There are a lot of different muscles down there and if you don't know what you are doing you can tighten the wrong ones. In pelvic floor PT they will use biofeedback to help you know which muscles you should be tightening and how.
This is incredible. Hands down the most real and profound account of motherhood. Thank you for writing this. In all my years as a mother I’ve never read anything this meaningful and raw about mothering.
I'm not a mom, never wanted to be a mom and have always thought kids deserve people who want them. This piece made me tear up, it was so real. It's so hard to see other women struggle with unrealistic expectations of themselves. Thank you!
(And I'm still glad I never had kids! Much better for all of us. )
It’s two days later now and I generally don’t care too much about Mother’s Day and always feel semi-guilty that I don’t celebrate my own mother anymore (although I have a good relationship with her and love her very much) in a mix of “I don’t care about prescribed fake celebration days” and laziness (spoiler: I care about other fake celebration days and do do something about them…). Reading this though (as someone who birthed a child, yay… pelvic floor aftermath…) made me laugh and shed a few tears and also learn some new insights. A really good way of taking stock. Thank you for sharing your experience 💜
Thank you.
I'm glad that you are a wonderful, real mom.
I deactivated social media for the weekend due to trauma triggers. I never became a mom; the person who birthed me never should have been a mother.
Take care.
I love you too.
💙
That was so exactly the best thing I wanted but didn’t know I wanted to read right now. Thank you for your truth. Thank you for your bravery to write things people don’t want to talk about enough. I’m always saying too much to other people and it’s amazing to see that I must just keep meeting people who are too afraid to use too many words. Lots of love to you and your family. They are so blessed to have you in their lives.
This is the most accurate description of being a mother I've maybe ever read. Your honest words are always refreshing. This Mother's Day I had someone ask me if having kids was worth the effort. "Yes", I told them, "But not for everyone, and it will come very close to breaking you."
Beautiful and poignant, as always. I can’t even decide which part I like best, but your bullet about not being a mom unless you want to is right up there. Thank you.
This is all so spot on. I made it thru the part where I had to divorce a partner who was a grown-ass man I had to parent... and then found a partner who is absolutely my equal and teammate, and it is wonderful. Now I'm working on the part where I accept that I cannot always play dollhouse, and that it's actually good for my daughter to see me prioritize my own passions. It's a work in progress but it's going well!
Thank you for your writing. <3
Thank you thank you thank you.
MASSIVE truth about teenagers - esp as a single mom it's hard to tell if the jerky behavior is because they feel safe with me vs their dad, or if it's because of the divorce or ???
THANK YOU for ALL of this! Your essay should be required reading for women everywhere, whether they are mothers or not. My only child, my daughter, is now 40 and I still have pangs of guilt from mistakes I’ve made in the past. The memories of mistakes come out of nowhere. It’s rare that I think of all of the good I did, as a single mom at 19. Society has definitely shaped the views of myself as a woman and mother. Your insights and will help so many. ❤️
Best writing on mothering EVER! I laughed I connected I forgave myself and I cheered you and all of us onward. 💕
Motherhood *must be* an all-volunteer army because it certainly isn't for the faint of heart! I loved all of this.
Thank you. I loved every word of this.
Thank you, I loved this.
One thing to note, though: as someone who has had a lot of pelvic floor issues before and after childbirth...the white supremacist patriarchy has completely normalized the idea that leaky pelvic floors are normal after having children and no no no they are not and you do not have to live with the anxiety of always knowing where the bathroom is. Pelvic floor physical therapy can really help.
Also, to anyone reading, please don't just randomly start clinching your pelvic floor. There are a lot of different muscles down there and if you don't know what you are doing you can tighten the wrong ones. In pelvic floor PT they will use biofeedback to help you know which muscles you should be tightening and how.
This is incredible. Hands down the most real and profound account of motherhood. Thank you for writing this. In all my years as a mother I’ve never read anything this meaningful and raw about mothering.
I'm not a mom, never wanted to be a mom and have always thought kids deserve people who want them. This piece made me tear up, it was so real. It's so hard to see other women struggle with unrealistic expectations of themselves. Thank you!
(And I'm still glad I never had kids! Much better for all of us. )
Thank you for your honesty and humor. Your speak unvarnished truth about mothering in all of its glorious mess.
It’s two days later now and I generally don’t care too much about Mother’s Day and always feel semi-guilty that I don’t celebrate my own mother anymore (although I have a good relationship with her and love her very much) in a mix of “I don’t care about prescribed fake celebration days” and laziness (spoiler: I care about other fake celebration days and do do something about them…). Reading this though (as someone who birthed a child, yay… pelvic floor aftermath…) made me laugh and shed a few tears and also learn some new insights. A really good way of taking stock. Thank you for sharing your experience 💜