The disconnect could also be compounded by ADHD. It’s common, for kids especially with it, to not notice body cues for hunger/thirst/rest. And sometimes it’s hard to even pay attention where their body is/how it’s moving in a space and, in addition to being hungry, they are often running into things or stubbing toes. I’ve seen this with my loved ones and their gloriously creative busy brains. Sometimes it’s just hard for them to be present in their bodies.
Thanks for this, it really resonates... unfortunately. Even as a kid I found peeing an inconvenience I would put off almost forever... I had no idea anyone else did that. I'm just going through realizing I have IBS, and all the stomachaches through childhood weren't just, "oh, my body does this food thing, and then it resets," it was my digestion flat out unable to absorb some of the food I eat, and me having learned to eat what was in front of me or else. And let's not talk about how that sort of "going away" in your body makes it hard to be present within it for the things you actually want to show up for...
Now that one more person I "know" has followed through on therapy, I am noticing the universe pointedly clearing its throat and giving me side-eye...
I’m deeply touched by your sharing. I relate so much. I just couldn’t help thinking about your ADHD as a factor here as well. As a therapist who specializes in neurodiversity, I work with a lot of clients with ADHD and just wanted to make sure you know the potential link between ADHD and interoception challenges. I’m so grateful to hear that you’re getting the support of a therapist and wish you all the best!
Omg when you you first started describing your pain it reminded me SO much of my kidney stone experience and the doubling over in pain feeling I used to feel every few months that I just thought was bad cramps or slight food poisoning. After ignoring that pain for so long, it eventually led me to having a kidney two years ago and having to pass it “naturally”. That was my wake up call. Having wished for death multiple times during the month+ it took me to pass it, I vowed to do whatever it took to never have to experience that ever again. I changed my entire diet and became vastly more aware of my body and what it’s trying to tell me (and actually doing something about it). And now I’ve realized that the “sore back” I always felt and tried to massage away with a foam roller all my life was actually my kidneys being inflamed by my diet and lack of drinking water.
But recently I changed what I usually eat and started noticing that “sore back” again, it took me three days but on the third day I realized it was my kidneys feeling sore, did some research on the new food I was eating, and stopped eating it when I realized it was bad for my kidneys. Relief came within 24 hours. And this time instead of being annoyed at my body for putting me in physical pain, I could appreciate it’s communication to me so that I didn’t just keep eating that food and get another stone. The body really does know what it needs and it actually, pretty blatantly lets you know. And once you start actually listening to it and sussing out what it’s trying to say, it works faster and much better (and more sustainably) than any pain reliever drug out there. I’m glad you didn’t have kidney stones but it’s wild that unchecked hunger could result in pain so bad you even felt it in your back.
Thank you for this. My own traumas set me on a path very similar to yours, and it was validating to read an account so open, honest, and self compassionate. I am really happy for you that you are on a journey of healing. 🙏
Thanks for this. I've been thinking about this, too. At first I thought you were describing what it felt like to have a gall bladder attack, but that history makes sense. I'm wondering, if after two bouts of cancer and 4 serious surgeries, I am now traumatized by weird things, like my dog licking the back of my knee. Checking in with therapy is probably a very good idea.
Another ADHD person here to say: yep. This is 100% ADHD compounded by trauma, or rather, it’s ADHD masking that was learned to cope with trauma and has never been unlearned. I feel this… So much… Also I really should eat.
Ijeoma--I really highly recommend getting a massage from an experienced therapist. It’s a great way to develop a relationship with your body. Many of my clients come with this same question “how do I feel today?” as if their body is disconnected from them and they need a facilitator to decipher what’s going on. I have been doing this for over 30 years and it’s always illuminating how this disconnect effects mental and physical health. By spending time (at least 90 minutes if you can swing it) with an experienced practitioner, it really can foster a new relationship with your body, you may come to be more in tune with its rhythms, and to love and accept where you are in this moment, and move forward. I could go on forever with the benefits of skilled massage on the mind and body to be sure, but I would suggest if your state requires a license for massage therapists, find one in good standing, with good reviews, a clean and safe and comfortable space. Thank you so, so much for continuing to share--yourself, your family and your journey. I am all in💖
I know that there's work being done in the field of occupational therapy around interoception (the disconnect you describe). I'm only familiar with the techniques used for children. I hope your therapy is helpful!
Yes the body the stomach is a place to store trauma for many; me too. I was diagnosed with IBS in my 20’s but “traditional medicine folks” knew little and I jumped over to naturopaths whom consider the whole person. What a concept. It is deep-work to get our stomachs aligned with our emotions and our physical needs. But also food interactions (I cannot it fruit with other food it putrefies in my system it’s about digestive enzymes) and allergies (my birth co-parent to our 15 & 18 year old found her birth family and one died young from grass allergic reaction; my daughter scared the shit outta me on a horseback riding adventure when we found out she too cannot be near grass) and things like Sibo (small intestinal bacteria overgrowth…my X got it from traveling it is a bacteria that is near impossible to get rid of) contribute. People I love, my kids are dairy free and allergic, my partner now has similar history to your food insecurities…and it is hereditary and socialized. For us Italians the word was “agida” which means a general feeling of uneasinesses, discomfort or anxiety…in the stomach. I have come to believe it is our place for all that we dissociate in our brains to survive. I wish you well on your journey as now at 68 it is something I manage on the daily. Consider a colonic with a naturopath on Whidbey Island…I’ll be there 8/16!! Sorry to bogart the post but you got me here iJeoma.🥰
Wow this has felt really resonant with me as someone with an autoimmune that docs don’t know how to specify who’s been sick as though I have food poisoning once a week or more for 5+ years. As a closeted trans person, ignoring my body is the only way I survived to the point where I could access care, I am honestly fumbling that relationship up a lot of the time
Thank you for sharing your story (quite timely after just finishing an article on IG you can help children avoid developing allergies). This resonated so much with me as I have definitely struggled interoception which led me to an ER visit and months of extreme nausea and pain before figuring out my gallbladder was infected. Eight years later and I’m only starting to realize how much that experience has affected the trust (or more accurately, lack thereof) I have in my body and the further damage that is causing.
As soon as you said starts in your back and radiates around your rib cage i had flashbacks of my gallstones. They told me IBS forever but it wasn’t until someone finally did an ultrasound that it was figured out and my gallbladder was removed. Heavy cream, greasy chicken and spicy vegetarian foods were big instigators of these attacks. I still can’t eat cheese cake with joy. Problem now, without the gallbladder, heavily greasy foods mean I can’t go far from a washroom. Good luck with your journey with this, I hope it’s cleared up soon!
The disconnect could also be compounded by ADHD. It’s common, for kids especially with it, to not notice body cues for hunger/thirst/rest. And sometimes it’s hard to even pay attention where their body is/how it’s moving in a space and, in addition to being hungry, they are often running into things or stubbing toes. I’ve seen this with my loved ones and their gloriously creative busy brains. Sometimes it’s just hard for them to be present in their bodies.
Thanks for this, it really resonates... unfortunately. Even as a kid I found peeing an inconvenience I would put off almost forever... I had no idea anyone else did that. I'm just going through realizing I have IBS, and all the stomachaches through childhood weren't just, "oh, my body does this food thing, and then it resets," it was my digestion flat out unable to absorb some of the food I eat, and me having learned to eat what was in front of me or else. And let's not talk about how that sort of "going away" in your body makes it hard to be present within it for the things you actually want to show up for...
Now that one more person I "know" has followed through on therapy, I am noticing the universe pointedly clearing its throat and giving me side-eye...
I’m deeply touched by your sharing. I relate so much. I just couldn’t help thinking about your ADHD as a factor here as well. As a therapist who specializes in neurodiversity, I work with a lot of clients with ADHD and just wanted to make sure you know the potential link between ADHD and interoception challenges. I’m so grateful to hear that you’re getting the support of a therapist and wish you all the best!
Omg when you you first started describing your pain it reminded me SO much of my kidney stone experience and the doubling over in pain feeling I used to feel every few months that I just thought was bad cramps or slight food poisoning. After ignoring that pain for so long, it eventually led me to having a kidney two years ago and having to pass it “naturally”. That was my wake up call. Having wished for death multiple times during the month+ it took me to pass it, I vowed to do whatever it took to never have to experience that ever again. I changed my entire diet and became vastly more aware of my body and what it’s trying to tell me (and actually doing something about it). And now I’ve realized that the “sore back” I always felt and tried to massage away with a foam roller all my life was actually my kidneys being inflamed by my diet and lack of drinking water.
But recently I changed what I usually eat and started noticing that “sore back” again, it took me three days but on the third day I realized it was my kidneys feeling sore, did some research on the new food I was eating, and stopped eating it when I realized it was bad for my kidneys. Relief came within 24 hours. And this time instead of being annoyed at my body for putting me in physical pain, I could appreciate it’s communication to me so that I didn’t just keep eating that food and get another stone. The body really does know what it needs and it actually, pretty blatantly lets you know. And once you start actually listening to it and sussing out what it’s trying to say, it works faster and much better (and more sustainably) than any pain reliever drug out there. I’m glad you didn’t have kidney stones but it’s wild that unchecked hunger could result in pain so bad you even felt it in your back.
Beautiful and so generous. Much love and strength to you as you navigate through your trauma narrative; a unique liberation awaits.
Thank you for this. My own traumas set me on a path very similar to yours, and it was validating to read an account so open, honest, and self compassionate. I am really happy for you that you are on a journey of healing. 🙏
Thanks for this. I've been thinking about this, too. At first I thought you were describing what it felt like to have a gall bladder attack, but that history makes sense. I'm wondering, if after two bouts of cancer and 4 serious surgeries, I am now traumatized by weird things, like my dog licking the back of my knee. Checking in with therapy is probably a very good idea.
Another ADHD person here to say: yep. This is 100% ADHD compounded by trauma, or rather, it’s ADHD masking that was learned to cope with trauma and has never been unlearned. I feel this… So much… Also I really should eat.
Unsolicited I know, but your pain description is *exactly* how my gall bladder attacks felt.
Ijeoma--I really highly recommend getting a massage from an experienced therapist. It’s a great way to develop a relationship with your body. Many of my clients come with this same question “how do I feel today?” as if their body is disconnected from them and they need a facilitator to decipher what’s going on. I have been doing this for over 30 years and it’s always illuminating how this disconnect effects mental and physical health. By spending time (at least 90 minutes if you can swing it) with an experienced practitioner, it really can foster a new relationship with your body, you may come to be more in tune with its rhythms, and to love and accept where you are in this moment, and move forward. I could go on forever with the benefits of skilled massage on the mind and body to be sure, but I would suggest if your state requires a license for massage therapists, find one in good standing, with good reviews, a clean and safe and comfortable space. Thank you so, so much for continuing to share--yourself, your family and your journey. I am all in💖
I know that there's work being done in the field of occupational therapy around interoception (the disconnect you describe). I'm only familiar with the techniques used for children. I hope your therapy is helpful!
Yes the body the stomach is a place to store trauma for many; me too. I was diagnosed with IBS in my 20’s but “traditional medicine folks” knew little and I jumped over to naturopaths whom consider the whole person. What a concept. It is deep-work to get our stomachs aligned with our emotions and our physical needs. But also food interactions (I cannot it fruit with other food it putrefies in my system it’s about digestive enzymes) and allergies (my birth co-parent to our 15 & 18 year old found her birth family and one died young from grass allergic reaction; my daughter scared the shit outta me on a horseback riding adventure when we found out she too cannot be near grass) and things like Sibo (small intestinal bacteria overgrowth…my X got it from traveling it is a bacteria that is near impossible to get rid of) contribute. People I love, my kids are dairy free and allergic, my partner now has similar history to your food insecurities…and it is hereditary and socialized. For us Italians the word was “agida” which means a general feeling of uneasinesses, discomfort or anxiety…in the stomach. I have come to believe it is our place for all that we dissociate in our brains to survive. I wish you well on your journey as now at 68 it is something I manage on the daily. Consider a colonic with a naturopath on Whidbey Island…I’ll be there 8/16!! Sorry to bogart the post but you got me here iJeoma.🥰
You rip my heart out with your words.
Wow this has felt really resonant with me as someone with an autoimmune that docs don’t know how to specify who’s been sick as though I have food poisoning once a week or more for 5+ years. As a closeted trans person, ignoring my body is the only way I survived to the point where I could access care, I am honestly fumbling that relationship up a lot of the time
Thank you for sharing your story (quite timely after just finishing an article on IG you can help children avoid developing allergies). This resonated so much with me as I have definitely struggled interoception which led me to an ER visit and months of extreme nausea and pain before figuring out my gallbladder was infected. Eight years later and I’m only starting to realize how much that experience has affected the trust (or more accurately, lack thereof) I have in my body and the further damage that is causing.
As soon as you said starts in your back and radiates around your rib cage i had flashbacks of my gallstones. They told me IBS forever but it wasn’t until someone finally did an ultrasound that it was figured out and my gallbladder was removed. Heavy cream, greasy chicken and spicy vegetarian foods were big instigators of these attacks. I still can’t eat cheese cake with joy. Problem now, without the gallbladder, heavily greasy foods mean I can’t go far from a washroom. Good luck with your journey with this, I hope it’s cleared up soon!