My workplace promoted a framework for "tolerance" (I know, right?) and the top level, the most evolved perspective they could imagine, was "I recognize that you are just like me." Apparently it was beyond the designers to imagine that we could respect, connect with, or support people even when they are nothing like us. I think empathy is a bit like this: the degree to which I am motivated to help someone else is limited by how much like me they are. And while that might be a way to start moving, it isn't ever going to be enough. Thanks to you and your mom for putting into words something I've been wrestling with trying to explain.
I appreciate this so much. As a dharma practitioner this gets at the difference between compassion and empathy. In Buddhism, empathy is described as you explain it—human, yes, but limited and often requiring a sense of connection to another—while compassion is taught as boundless and limitless. This is just the term that works for me, of course. I know compassion carries baggage for a lot of folks, but I think of compassion as the capacity to care *regardless* of whether I can relate. Compassion is believing people's experience and that being enough. Heck, compassion is "You are a human being and therefore I want you to live and thrive". And while empathy is part of it, empathy is never enough on its own.
This one really resonated deeply. I think I’ve been starting to recognise this myself and haven’t had the language to explain it more widely in my family and with my friends. I really appreciate you and your work. Thank you!
This is really timely, I have been thinking about empathy a lot, and wondering why we want every one to be like us before we can feel empathy...that we can't see the basic humanity in others even and especially if they are nothing like us. I'm still having trouble articulating this in my family and holding on to it when I'm out in the world.
My workplace promoted a framework for "tolerance" (I know, right?) and the top level, the most evolved perspective they could imagine, was "I recognize that you are just like me." Apparently it was beyond the designers to imagine that we could respect, connect with, or support people even when they are nothing like us. I think empathy is a bit like this: the degree to which I am motivated to help someone else is limited by how much like me they are. And while that might be a way to start moving, it isn't ever going to be enough. Thanks to you and your mom for putting into words something I've been wrestling with trying to explain.
I appreciate this so much. As a dharma practitioner this gets at the difference between compassion and empathy. In Buddhism, empathy is described as you explain it—human, yes, but limited and often requiring a sense of connection to another—while compassion is taught as boundless and limitless. This is just the term that works for me, of course. I know compassion carries baggage for a lot of folks, but I think of compassion as the capacity to care *regardless* of whether I can relate. Compassion is believing people's experience and that being enough. Heck, compassion is "You are a human being and therefore I want you to live and thrive". And while empathy is part of it, empathy is never enough on its own.
Always hitting the target the rest of us don't see AND how we can unblind ourselves...! Thanks...always...thanks.
"Just believe people" along with "love one another" is likely all we need to know. Loved the article!
This one really resonated deeply. I think I’ve been starting to recognise this myself and haven’t had the language to explain it more widely in my family and with my friends. I really appreciate you and your work. Thank you!
This is really timely, I have been thinking about empathy a lot, and wondering why we want every one to be like us before we can feel empathy...that we can't see the basic humanity in others even and especially if they are nothing like us. I'm still having trouble articulating this in my family and holding on to it when I'm out in the world.