This resonates so hard with me. I too got married extraordinarily young to an abusive man, first man I'd slept with, and I remember having nightmares for months before the wedding. So much of what you wrote about never grieving feels so true (I also have a son, and have spent the last 17 years building a life for the two of us that is safe and meaningful). May you and Gabriel have a wonderful wedding, and may you grieve the life you did not have as well as celebrate the beautiful one you have made.
Oh, thank you so much for that image, that idea, of bringing the twenty-year-old you along to see what all that hard work led to. Thanks from a person still learning to navigate life and find joy despite the wounds inflicted and shields raised over sixty years ago. Wishing you all the joy!
This is beautiful and necessary. Healing is a complex process and grief is such an important part of it, one that we're not often given the space for. So much love to you and your family. <3
I find your insights so helpful as a man who has loved and loves abuse survivors. It is so easy and lazy to write off women as "crazy" or the far more insidious "She won't fully let go/commit to me so she must want to go back to her ex." Because the kind of compassion Gabriel shows you and you show yourself takes far more patience and work.
But I'm learning. And as I learn to recognize traumatized people and learn to treat their journey to healing with grace, I also learn to forgive myself for the abuse I suffered and all the people I hurt because of it while still owning my responsibility to do better.
I wish you and your family the happiest of ever afters.
This was so so deeply, painfully beautiful and thank you for sharing it. It reminds me of something recently shared with me by a researcher named William Bridges who has written a lot about change (things that happen) and transitions (how we feel/experience them). The first step to making sense of change, he says, is to make peace with the ending of what has passed. Congrats for taking that step. 💓
Thank you for sharing that with us. I am sorry for all you have been through. So happy for where you are at now and hope your wedding and marriage a beautiful, love-filled adventure ❤️
I was only 17 when my planned life came to a similar end. You are so right - it's not what happened, it's what you have made of it. But even so, the grief of lost years and opportunities is still part of us.
I am so glad that you have the life that you have now. Thank you for sharing about this; thank you for doing the work of being a writer. I wish you the best. I appreciate this reminder to take time to do the grieving that was not done around certain times in one's life.
Also: I am SO happy for you both, getting married this summer!
You give the gift of hope whenever you share something like this. It is so deeply felt. Thank you very much.
Your honest truth telling and beautiful writing is a gift to all of us. Thank you so much. May blessings rain down in you Ijeoma. 💚
This resonates so hard with me. I too got married extraordinarily young to an abusive man, first man I'd slept with, and I remember having nightmares for months before the wedding. So much of what you wrote about never grieving feels so true (I also have a son, and have spent the last 17 years building a life for the two of us that is safe and meaningful). May you and Gabriel have a wonderful wedding, and may you grieve the life you did not have as well as celebrate the beautiful one you have made.
Oh, thank you so much for that image, that idea, of bringing the twenty-year-old you along to see what all that hard work led to. Thanks from a person still learning to navigate life and find joy despite the wounds inflicted and shields raised over sixty years ago. Wishing you all the joy!
I really needed to read this right now. Thank you for sharing.
This is beautiful and necessary. Healing is a complex process and grief is such an important part of it, one that we're not often given the space for. So much love to you and your family. <3
This is beautiful.
You are so deserving of all bliss forever.
I find your insights so helpful as a man who has loved and loves abuse survivors. It is so easy and lazy to write off women as "crazy" or the far more insidious "She won't fully let go/commit to me so she must want to go back to her ex." Because the kind of compassion Gabriel shows you and you show yourself takes far more patience and work.
But I'm learning. And as I learn to recognize traumatized people and learn to treat their journey to healing with grace, I also learn to forgive myself for the abuse I suffered and all the people I hurt because of it while still owning my responsibility to do better.
I wish you and your family the happiest of ever afters.
This was so so deeply, painfully beautiful and thank you for sharing it. It reminds me of something recently shared with me by a researcher named William Bridges who has written a lot about change (things that happen) and transitions (how we feel/experience them). The first step to making sense of change, he says, is to make peace with the ending of what has passed. Congrats for taking that step. 💓
Thank you for sharing that with us. I am sorry for all you have been through. So happy for where you are at now and hope your wedding and marriage a beautiful, love-filled adventure ❤️
Ohhh Wow this is awesome, may the rest of your years be filled with excitement for the expectation of gooood
I was only 17 when my planned life came to a similar end. You are so right - it's not what happened, it's what you have made of it. But even so, the grief of lost years and opportunities is still part of us.
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this—-I celebrate you and your family—-wishing you all so much joy💜
I am so glad that you have the life that you have now. Thank you for sharing about this; thank you for doing the work of being a writer. I wish you the best. I appreciate this reminder to take time to do the grieving that was not done around certain times in one's life.
Also: I am SO happy for you both, getting married this summer!
💙
Thank you, this was a gift.