I was in my late 70s when the pandemic showed me I am a much more introverted person than the oldest of 7, helper, teacher, and manager of crises my life had required of me.
I'm still working through all that at 80. It's never too late to live the life of the person you really are.
Wow, THIS is where I find myself as well. It was confusing when I was an Actual Child to have people who both were threatened/annoyed by my "you think you're grown" vocabulary and competence, and yet relying on my being a "good little mother" adultified child who apparently never needed either oversight or emotional support. I married someone I thought needed me, too, but we made it to the world of therapists and meds and he gently suggested I back off... Now, I have to make decisions about my own preferences and opinions and I so empathize on feeling like it's too late for fumbling or being messy while we figure it all out.
I don't know what I'm doing, though, so viva la mess, I guess. 🫣
This hit me pretty hard in the best way. I didn't quite know how to explain to others just what was so suboptimal about my childhood, but you have given words to that experience. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story and want you to know it really hit home with me too. I'm 59 and still trying to figure out my life and you've given me so much to think about. So, thank you for your beautiful words.
This resonates so fully with me. I was also the adult kid, and now I know why I have felt 17 throughout my life. Because that was the day it crushed me. At 45, I started healing. I'm loving playing and adulting and I've been doing that for almost 25 years.
I've told friends that other people generally "grow up," but my trajectory is to "grown down." Because, as you say, the oldest female child of a single mother with few resources (and, in my case at least, significant trauma) ends up stepping into a whole lot of responsibility at a far too early age. It's only now, after helping ALL THE PEOPLE (and realizing, actually, in some cases my help wasn't required or appreciated—ha!—and in other cases it was deeply taken advantage of), now is the time to figure out what I want. To learn how to play again. To be silly and sometimes impractical. (And all of this is so much harder than it would seem).
Because, it turns out, the child I really need to raise and protect and cherish is...me.
Thank you for beautifully sharing this aspect of your blossoming into your authentic self. Walking through life with the clarity you are finding, and being open about the process of your transforming, is a gift not only to yourself, but to all your loved ones and your readers and all who you touch. Thank you for this reminder that it’s ok to be messy and a work in progress. 🥰
Spent my late teens and early twenties immersed in pain and medical experiences. Once resolved I spent years trying to “catch up” with everyone, pretending to have achieved the maturity that I missed the chance to develop in many key areas. 40s is when I broke out and did all the things other people did in their 20s. Grateful for the chance!!
I am one of those people, too. I’m happy that you didn’t wait until your late sixties to begin this journey. I did and it is scary and still so many dependent people. Best wishes for happiness and joy to you on this chapter.
I’m only realizing at 27 that spending your childhood taking care of other people isn’t much of a childhood at all. It’s a tough habit to break. Thanks for being my sign that maybe now’s the time to break it.
This made me tear up. I truly am so happy for you as you are on this journey toward joy. I also was parentified at an early age and have constructed my entire life around being a caretaker. I am 36 and just beginning to dismantle that, and so I saw a lot of myself in the tiny adult-who-is-still-just-a-kid and then the scared but hopeful adult you described. Thank you for sharing.
As another parentified kid, I didn’t really start living my own life until I got divorced in my 30s (married in early 20s). I moved to another state and got to actually be a queer person away from my parents. My partner is also a huge part of my healing, youthfulness and freedom. I’m so happy for us!
I was in my late 70s when the pandemic showed me I am a much more introverted person than the oldest of 7, helper, teacher, and manager of crises my life had required of me.
I'm still working through all that at 80. It's never too late to live the life of the person you really are.
Wow, THIS is where I find myself as well. It was confusing when I was an Actual Child to have people who both were threatened/annoyed by my "you think you're grown" vocabulary and competence, and yet relying on my being a "good little mother" adultified child who apparently never needed either oversight or emotional support. I married someone I thought needed me, too, but we made it to the world of therapists and meds and he gently suggested I back off... Now, I have to make decisions about my own preferences and opinions and I so empathize on feeling like it's too late for fumbling or being messy while we figure it all out.
I don't know what I'm doing, though, so viva la mess, I guess. 🫣
This hit me pretty hard in the best way. I didn't quite know how to explain to others just what was so suboptimal about my childhood, but you have given words to that experience. Thank you.
Congratulations on your midlife lauching. It's delightful to see your joy as you soar.
Thank you for sharing your story and want you to know it really hit home with me too. I'm 59 and still trying to figure out my life and you've given me so much to think about. So, thank you for your beautiful words.
This resonates so fully with me. I was also the adult kid, and now I know why I have felt 17 throughout my life. Because that was the day it crushed me. At 45, I started healing. I'm loving playing and adulting and I've been doing that for almost 25 years.
It almosr sounds like you are able to breathe more deeply as you consciously take up space in the world.
I love that silly photo of the two of you with the puppets.
🤓💙
Thank you for this.
I've told friends that other people generally "grow up," but my trajectory is to "grown down." Because, as you say, the oldest female child of a single mother with few resources (and, in my case at least, significant trauma) ends up stepping into a whole lot of responsibility at a far too early age. It's only now, after helping ALL THE PEOPLE (and realizing, actually, in some cases my help wasn't required or appreciated—ha!—and in other cases it was deeply taken advantage of), now is the time to figure out what I want. To learn how to play again. To be silly and sometimes impractical. (And all of this is so much harder than it would seem).
Because, it turns out, the child I really need to raise and protect and cherish is...me.
Thank you for beautifully sharing this aspect of your blossoming into your authentic self. Walking through life with the clarity you are finding, and being open about the process of your transforming, is a gift not only to yourself, but to all your loved ones and your readers and all who you touch. Thank you for this reminder that it’s ok to be messy and a work in progress. 🥰
Spent my late teens and early twenties immersed in pain and medical experiences. Once resolved I spent years trying to “catch up” with everyone, pretending to have achieved the maturity that I missed the chance to develop in many key areas. 40s is when I broke out and did all the things other people did in their 20s. Grateful for the chance!!
I was that child too. At 70, I’m still working through it.
I am one of those people, too. I’m happy that you didn’t wait until your late sixties to begin this journey. I did and it is scary and still so many dependent people. Best wishes for happiness and joy to you on this chapter.
I’m only realizing at 27 that spending your childhood taking care of other people isn’t much of a childhood at all. It’s a tough habit to break. Thanks for being my sign that maybe now’s the time to break it.
This made me tear up. I truly am so happy for you as you are on this journey toward joy. I also was parentified at an early age and have constructed my entire life around being a caretaker. I am 36 and just beginning to dismantle that, and so I saw a lot of myself in the tiny adult-who-is-still-just-a-kid and then the scared but hopeful adult you described. Thank you for sharing.
Dido to every single thing in this article 💕. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Adventure on!
As another parentified kid, I didn’t really start living my own life until I got divorced in my 30s (married in early 20s). I moved to another state and got to actually be a queer person away from my parents. My partner is also a huge part of my healing, youthfulness and freedom. I’m so happy for us!