This really resonates. My kids are both in their early 20’s and living on the other side of the country for school, while it gets easier that little worry is always present. It truly feels like two of my own limbs are out in the world without me…and yet there’s also such excitement and pride when they’re doing it! All the hard things! I love a random FaceTime or call with an update on their life or relationship or someone who was annoying, and the texting silly or random things is a joy as well. I honestly think the hardest part for me is also figuring out who I am and what I need now that I’m not needed in such an all encompassing way? It’s really a trip this whole mothering thing. ♥️
My son is 34, and every time he flies somewhere that I know about (he lives on the other side of the country from me), I make him give me his flight information so that I can track him like an Amazon Prime delivery. He's about to get on a plane right now, and I'll be checking Flight Aware the rest of the day.
“ Teen immediately begins loudly dictating pre-made messages telling me that he’s not dead” lol. 💜💜💜
My daughter (24) just left today to drive to NOLA from VA as she moves there with her fiancé and starts her first full time professional job. She’s amazing. She’s fully competent and I’m going to miss her so much. I both trust her and want to wrap her in a cocoon in my pocket.
So loving the window into this stage. My older will be a high school senior next year and my younger a freshman. I’m simultaneously freaking out they’re leaving soon and looking forward to what comes next for me. Thank you for putting it I to words
I think you are doing great. I am a middle aged adult who is leaving the country tomorrow for a trip and my Mother just texted wanting my itinerary. I think the worry becomes less and easier but it never goes away.
This was so beautiful to read - thank you for sharing! Love the description of "small, squirmy worms" too haha (how were they ever that tiny!). Enjoy the rest of your time in Paris!
Oh, mama. As the mother of two, who are 20 and 15, I FEEL YOU on this one. I've spent slightly longer stretches away from both of mine once or twice because of summer camp and co-parenting, but still I think about them leaving my house (older one is just about to start community college in the fall and is still at home) and I can't quite breathe. I think the next 4-6 years are going to be some of the hardest of my life. Not because I don't want them to go out into the world, and I don't yearn sometimes for more time to myself, but because it will require an unraveling of our daily way we are imbedded in each other's lives and no matter how much I prepare or anticipate I WILL NOT BE READY.
😭 thank you for sharing. I relate so hard to this and often feel like I am the only person on the planet dealing with a difficult teen and my anxieties about being apart from him, trusting him to be independent etc etc. all the things you said. Thank you.
Thank you for this. Knowing you can't keep them safe is so hard! We're pretty good about giving them independence but it's hard to let go. My 14 year old was talking about going to boarding school (to spend all of HS in one place, because we're moving after 9th grade) and my initial reaction was "I am NOT ready to let you go yet!" Luckily she agreed boarding school probably wouldn't work (and also not sure I could afford it) but it really threw me to think of her leaving so soon.
I don’t have children in the same way. But I became aware that what you are going through is a thing when I received a postcard from my Dad: “Hey, your mother misses her little buddy. Maybe a call? Letter? Love Pop
Glad you are planning for this transition… which is huge… and sharing the message… 💕
Thank you. My son is also going to be a HS sophomore come Fall, so this landed.
So far, he has been at Commie Camp (Kinderland, in Tolland, MA) for 12 days out of seven weeks and elected not to phone us until last night. Not cool, but, of course, a sign that he is well, immersed in his life, not his position as my child. To his immense credit, he did call his Bubbe on her birthday.
I calculated that if he moves out of our home in September of the year he is graduated, whether to college or elsewhere, having completed two more 7-week stretches at camp before then, we have only 27 more months with him. He is my favorite person in the world to hang out with and i sit deeply sad with the knowledge that he will go (should go, must go). I miss him already; our solo dim sum runs and passionately circular political discussions, our easy family roasting and cat appreciation as a trio, and learning about his daily (mis)adventures at school.
I did not realize when this all started 15 years ago that I would feel this kind of way when we reached this point. It’s intense.
My daughter is an incoming HS freshman, I want to say thanks for this math, and simultaneously dislike this new info a lot. She's been at camp this week with minimal cell service, which is so, so good and also a taste of her growing independence - so good, and so "see ya I've got this mom". I suddenly understand my own parent's weirdness when I was high schooler/young adult so much more, and also they are my kids' favorite people, so my daughter being at this stage is a repeat for them off my brothers and I.
Oh, where to start? This was amazing to read right now. Just what I needed. These teenagers makes me want to both disappear and be a constant fly on their shoulder. Well, thank you for sharing, you are not alone!
this right here: "that’s the hardest part of parenting. Everything in our bones tells us that we have to keep them safe." -- that is the job of mom. it's beautiful, though, that you were able to give him an experience of a new country, and flying solo. that will be a skill he uses all his life.
I remember I went to Germany on an exchange trip - few to Berlin from WA DC when I was 16 years old. It seems unimaginable to me now, but in 1987 it was doable. It was one of the happiest months of my life, gallivanting about Berlin, trying to speak German, going to cafes and museums.
This really resonates. My kids are both in their early 20’s and living on the other side of the country for school, while it gets easier that little worry is always present. It truly feels like two of my own limbs are out in the world without me…and yet there’s also such excitement and pride when they’re doing it! All the hard things! I love a random FaceTime or call with an update on their life or relationship or someone who was annoying, and the texting silly or random things is a joy as well. I honestly think the hardest part for me is also figuring out who I am and what I need now that I’m not needed in such an all encompassing way? It’s really a trip this whole mothering thing. ♥️
My son is 34, and every time he flies somewhere that I know about (he lives on the other side of the country from me), I make him give me his flight information so that I can track him like an Amazon Prime delivery. He's about to get on a plane right now, and I'll be checking Flight Aware the rest of the day.
“ Teen immediately begins loudly dictating pre-made messages telling me that he’s not dead” lol. 💜💜💜
My daughter (24) just left today to drive to NOLA from VA as she moves there with her fiancé and starts her first full time professional job. She’s amazing. She’s fully competent and I’m going to miss her so much. I both trust her and want to wrap her in a cocoon in my pocket.
I love the way you share both the anxiety along with some humorous writing - tears along with laughter!
So loving the window into this stage. My older will be a high school senior next year and my younger a freshman. I’m simultaneously freaking out they’re leaving soon and looking forward to what comes next for me. Thank you for putting it I to words
I think you are doing great. I am a middle aged adult who is leaving the country tomorrow for a trip and my Mother just texted wanting my itinerary. I think the worry becomes less and easier but it never goes away.
This was so beautiful to read - thank you for sharing! Love the description of "small, squirmy worms" too haha (how were they ever that tiny!). Enjoy the rest of your time in Paris!
Oh, mama. As the mother of two, who are 20 and 15, I FEEL YOU on this one. I've spent slightly longer stretches away from both of mine once or twice because of summer camp and co-parenting, but still I think about them leaving my house (older one is just about to start community college in the fall and is still at home) and I can't quite breathe. I think the next 4-6 years are going to be some of the hardest of my life. Not because I don't want them to go out into the world, and I don't yearn sometimes for more time to myself, but because it will require an unraveling of our daily way we are imbedded in each other's lives and no matter how much I prepare or anticipate I WILL NOT BE READY.
😭 thank you for sharing. I relate so hard to this and often feel like I am the only person on the planet dealing with a difficult teen and my anxieties about being apart from him, trusting him to be independent etc etc. all the things you said. Thank you.
So true, and made me laugh aloud enough that I had to read the whole thing to my partner. :-)
Thank you for this. Knowing you can't keep them safe is so hard! We're pretty good about giving them independence but it's hard to let go. My 14 year old was talking about going to boarding school (to spend all of HS in one place, because we're moving after 9th grade) and my initial reaction was "I am NOT ready to let you go yet!" Luckily she agreed boarding school probably wouldn't work (and also not sure I could afford it) but it really threw me to think of her leaving so soon.
I don’t have children in the same way. But I became aware that what you are going through is a thing when I received a postcard from my Dad: “Hey, your mother misses her little buddy. Maybe a call? Letter? Love Pop
Glad you are planning for this transition… which is huge… and sharing the message… 💕
The math is probably net unhelpful. My apologies. 😬
Thank you. My son is also going to be a HS sophomore come Fall, so this landed.
So far, he has been at Commie Camp (Kinderland, in Tolland, MA) for 12 days out of seven weeks and elected not to phone us until last night. Not cool, but, of course, a sign that he is well, immersed in his life, not his position as my child. To his immense credit, he did call his Bubbe on her birthday.
I calculated that if he moves out of our home in September of the year he is graduated, whether to college or elsewhere, having completed two more 7-week stretches at camp before then, we have only 27 more months with him. He is my favorite person in the world to hang out with and i sit deeply sad with the knowledge that he will go (should go, must go). I miss him already; our solo dim sum runs and passionately circular political discussions, our easy family roasting and cat appreciation as a trio, and learning about his daily (mis)adventures at school.
I did not realize when this all started 15 years ago that I would feel this kind of way when we reached this point. It’s intense.
My daughter is an incoming HS freshman, I want to say thanks for this math, and simultaneously dislike this new info a lot. She's been at camp this week with minimal cell service, which is so, so good and also a taste of her growing independence - so good, and so "see ya I've got this mom". I suddenly understand my own parent's weirdness when I was high schooler/young adult so much more, and also they are my kids' favorite people, so my daughter being at this stage is a repeat for them off my brothers and I.
Oh, where to start? This was amazing to read right now. Just what I needed. These teenagers makes me want to both disappear and be a constant fly on their shoulder. Well, thank you for sharing, you are not alone!
this right here: "that’s the hardest part of parenting. Everything in our bones tells us that we have to keep them safe." -- that is the job of mom. it's beautiful, though, that you were able to give him an experience of a new country, and flying solo. that will be a skill he uses all his life.
I remember I went to Germany on an exchange trip - few to Berlin from WA DC when I was 16 years old. It seems unimaginable to me now, but in 1987 it was doable. It was one of the happiest months of my life, gallivanting about Berlin, trying to speak German, going to cafes and museums.
good luck with rest and not worrying. <3