Some thoughts this International Women's Day
IJEOMA, yours is the item I immediately open as I scroll down the email of the moment, culling as much as possible. But a dead stop to connect with your insight for 5 minutes is always worth the time, giving me a reflection of life - mine, yours, other women's. So you remind me I'm not alone. You offer a compassionate look at dealing with pain directly. You remind me that pain is not an excuse for leaving the fight, and that the next opportunity to actively address that fight will come. The Irish say: "Blossom by blossom the Spring begins." You contribute your blossoms with every word you write. Thank you.
Oh my dear...Yes all over the place. It's always the icing on the cake when every/anything turns out OK. And in case this ever helps, I discovered something that helped me on the worst flight of my life: I was seated by myself on a small-ish plane and when we started bucking all over the place I started, irrationally, to hum in tune to the engine tone, and then in harmony. I don't think anyone could hear me but even if they did, so what? Once I started, I realized it was calming me down and I just kept it up for another 50 minutes (it was thankfully a short flight.) By the time we landed I was pretty much high as a kite; I thought out of sheer gratitude to have survived, but later realized (along with gratitude) I'd been super oxygenating with all that deep breathing! Thank you for sharing so much of your heart with us.
There are almost too many words I could say to relate here. Instead I will just say, thank you so much for sharing this. 🙏🏽
I...did not know I did this, but as soon as I read your description I knew that's been my thought pattern as well. Don't enjoy anything because it will hurt too much when it all goes away. Oof. Lots to think about. Thank you for this insight.
I needed this at this exact moment. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
Came to back to this one again today, because I've been thinking about it all month. Have rebuilt a good chunk of my life and sitting in a place where I'm unable to appreciate/celebrate some things that are really worth celebrating because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Cannot overstate how impactful this post was for me - I needed to hear this, at this time. Thank you so much.
Sometimes crying = perfect ❤️❤️🙏
I went through childhood trauma too & scored high on the hyper vigilant saboteur. Nothing would ever work out in my opinion & I was like this till I turned 40.
I was also hyper vigilant in other ways. Being a woman from India I was taught to keep an eye out for predators. I remember travelling by the public transport system here & being ready to use my umbrella as a weapon.
But fucking yes! As you rightly said, we have all collectively survived so we must have done something right beyond the hyper vigilance.
Thank you for this.
I am VERY familiar with hypervigilance.
Grateful to read your words.
I also don’t know how to enjoy things. I’m always looking for the next disappointment. If I keep expectations low, then I don’t suffer so much when the inevitable end comes, but that just means you spend a lot more time mourning than celebrating. It’s hard. I’m working through the same thing right now too!! Happy International Women’s Day and I wish you healing as you find your happiness.
Goddammit. You just made me cry